Every year our “Expert” Panel comes together to judge all entries for the Eurovision Song Contest and they’re back to take apart the 2013 entries and rank them accordingly. While their characters and comments may be wacky, the scores are dead serious. All 13 panelists will comment on the song and rank them accordingly giving it points using a scale from five to zero. At the end you’ll also get to cast your vote in the poll. If you would learn more about the panelists and to discuss the show, join us on our Forum HERE

Let’s have a look at the current scoreboard:

ZZZRanking

 

 

Next up is Montenegro, the band Who See is hoping to become the first act to qualify to the Eurovision Final with their song “Igranka”. Let’s find out what the panel has to say

 

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5 Points

 Britni Spirsovic

I have never been proud of my homeland as I have been now. I am now a complete nationalist because of this song. This song talks about the amazing parties that happen in my homeland hosted by Who See and Nina Žižić. It makes me dance and forget my problems. If all songs were this good, I would not have shaved my head and have gone through drug addiction. My friends, this is what modern Montenegrin songs sound like, welcome to my country. Podgori-wood 2014.

Dark MasterSo much mess, like an array of spells and charms were scattered around to produce…an interesting and viable product. Quite ingenious Montenegro. Rather a rare product to see on Eurovision nowadays. Perhaps you would…benefit from it. It all depends on how it will work live, which I have no composure to be set and feel like this will go through. Either way, I do like this and I would even…. twerk and prance on it.

 

4 Points

 NONE

 

3 Points

 Morenik

I like this song a lot, but one reason stands out the most for me. It is the first party I’ve ever been invited to! They mustn’t know how bad I smell! Thank you Who See and Nina Zizic, I will be there, and I will bring some nibbles!

 

 

Petronella PoetryThis is among the most weird things I’ve heard. But it feels like a canary bird. Yellow and filled with interesting bits. Must be hard for people that sits. Wanna move my bum. Okay, better relax and not embaress myself, but I like the bass drum.

 

 

2 Points

 NONE

 

 

1 Point

 Barb E Dahl

Montecarlo is a really small country with apparently very little talent. This song is quite noisy and messy and I’d be shocked if this would even be near qualificaiton. If I were in charge of Montecristo I’d go with something with a broader appeal rather than two old guys talking (that’s not even rapping). The chorus is the only redeeming quality the song has but overall it’s  thumbs down from Barb for Montebello.

 

 King Valentino XVII

What is this…. dubstep malarky that everyone is going crazy for at the moment? I don’t understand it. It’s very unpleasant to listen to. I can only imagine it must be some kind of drinking music. You see I no drink.. I only drinka in a the social gatherings. This has a high production value no doubt but that isn’t always a good thing. Infact quite the opposite. I hate it when people polish turds. This isn’t quite a turd but it certainly is no rough diamond either. I no like at all.

Grandpa WatermanI wish we can live back in time with the good old fashioned music!

 

 

 

 

0 Points

Scotty Too HottyI didn’t realise this classes as a song; with some blokewaffling on about something every 30 seconds! It’s just as well Igranka has gota half decent voice. This song will split the audience. It’s like Marmite herein the UK – You’ll either love it or hate it. Unfortunately, I think mostpeople with go with the latter. Pretty likely it won’t qualify unless the danceaspect gets the heart’s pumping! Maybe some fit dancers will improve it. 

 

Emma MagnusonGosh, this is dreadful! Some men snarling and then a woman shouting in the chorus. My ears are bleeding. This is not good even after 10 bottles of vodka. Trollenegro is back!

 

 

 

RobertMy poor brain, my poor ears. What have I done to listen such a crap?! My do Montenegro send such awful composition if it has very good artists?! I wonder is there a special contest in Montenegro to choice a worst song in the country for sending to ESC? If yes, then the contest is in its apogee. I dislike everything about the song: screaming voice of woman, rap part of Who See, the video clip with trash erotic elements, yellow clothes, the beat…I’m almost sure that the song will flop in May, it would be fairly.

 

Glittery S BobWhat the f**k is this? Horrible!!! Odious!!!

 

 

 

Eau d'yre  LizzyLiz: Oh, good heaven, it works, it works!
Eau: This is so amazing! They’re all gone!
Liz: I told you it would work Eau! I just knew my instinct was right.
Eau: Oh, but look, all the weed I couldn’t get rid of has disappeared as well!
Liz: Yes, I see! Oh, by the way, we have to tell the people what this is all about, Eau, otherwise they’ll be totally in the dark about why were cheering!
Eau: Oh, yes. So yesterday afternoon, we started reviewing the Montenegrin entry and we…(to be continued)

Alex ChandhokSomehow Montenegro have come up with a song which is more professional and more current than last year, but is somehow worse than “Euro Neuro”. I can sort of get why people like this, and this sort music charts all over the place, but this type of stuff is so bad to my ears, I can’t even call it music. It’s merely noise. Nina Zizic is OK, the chorus isn’t too bad, but the rest is pants. If this qualifies, I will eat my fedora. It has a slight chance, but for me it won’t have the mass appeal.

 

CURRENT SCORE: 19

 

Now it’s your turn, go to our Forum HERE and vote in the poll.

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