It’s been over a month since Emmelie de Forest won the Eurovision Song Contest in Malmo, Sweden and the 2014 season is still far outside of our reach. So if you’re reading this article it means you are probably suffering from a condition called “Post Eurovision depression” aka PED. There is sadness within us and our lives seems so boring without the proper Eurovision fix.
It is my goal to be your guide so here are 10 ways that will without a doubt help you to get through these troubled times. In the end we’re all in this together so follow the steps below and you will make it through these rough waters as smooth as possible.
1. Nitpick the 2013 contest
We know you watched this year’s competition eight times already but in order to keep this fresh, it is your responsibility to catch and call out the little mistakes that happened cause in the end criticizing others is so much fun. So start watching the Final and scream “YOU CAN SEE THE CAMERA GUY IN THIS SHOT” or “THAT GUY IN THE AUDIENCE IS ASLEEP’”. It is essential to point out that the confetti from the Finnish performance can still be located on the stage five performances later (How else will they learn?!?!?!?). You can even make it a drinking game, every time you discover a Turkish flag (keeping in mind they weren’t even taking part) you’ll take a shot; you won’t make it to Song Number 4, trust us!
2. Stalk everyone on Social Media
Your family and friends will appreciate greatly if you bombard them with Eurovision videos from 2005 on Facebook five times a day. If you quote Eurovision lyrics as a Status update you’ll know that only your true friends will get it and respond accordingly. I suggest to unfriend those who can’t even bother clicking the ‘Like’ button. Those who don’t have anything ESC related in their Bio on Twitter do NOT deserve a ‘retweet’ (and don’t expect a Follow, either). In a nutshell, use the technology available and post a picture of you dancing to “Dancing Lasha Tumbai” on Instagram and a clip on YouTube of you butchering Zlata’s Karaoke version of “Gravity”. Trust me, it’s worth it.
3. Online Contests – It’s almost better than the real one
You are not allowed to claim the Eurovision Geek badge unless you take part in an online contest. Yes, there are many contests out there inspired by the Eurovision Song Contest!!!! You can create a fake country, represent an existing country/region and send songs hoping to win a fictional award. There is no better feeling in the world than watching an 11 year old girl having a temper tantrum cause she didn’t win with the most recent Lady Gaga song and everybody is just jealous. We have several contests on our website and it’s not uncommon for some folks to skip anything Eurovision related & just move to the online contest role playing world. It’s a wonderful way to escape reality and isn’t that what we all want?
4. Alcohol, and lots of it
“Is ESC United promoting alcoholism?” you’re asking? Well, not here….But some of our readers allege that watching “Euro Neuro”, “I’m a Joker” and “Flying the flag (For you)” intoxicated can give you a completely new perspective on things. So I decided to not only talk the talk but also walk the walk and grabbed a bottle of Bacardi Rum & Cola Light while watching Cezar’s “It’s my life” for two hours straight. And then it hit me, I don’t save that many calories and should have used regular Cola instead. Thank you Eurovision for helping me realize that!!!
5. Getting ready for 2014
It’s never too early to start and it’s a wonderful distraction. You can start looking for answers to questions such as “What if Eurovison will be hosted in a village”, “Will Turkey return or start a new contest” or “If Valentina from San Marino returns five years in a row, will Candyman jump out of a mirror and eat her?” Maybe it’s time to learn Spanish, Greek or French so that you’ll be able to sing along to those songs coming next May. One thing that I like to do is update Wikipedia putting Adele as the 2014 act for the United Kingdom and guess how long it takes people to figure it out and when the rumor hits the Internet!!
6. Go to Work and/or School
The days of calling in sick to work and not showing up for class are over – at least for now. Too long have we avoided facing real life by staying home chatting with our ESC friends, putting some money down on one of those website for a Danish victory, work on a proper song ranking and doing hardcore karaoke dancing around the house with the remote control serving as a microphone….or is that just me?!?!?!? The point is that while this is probably my least favorite way of overcoming PED, it needs to be listed as an option just in the unlikely event we have reasonable people among us.
7. Go outside!!!!!!
Who knew that there is something else out there? All I saw for several months was my living room and the road that takes me straight to McDonalds for lunch. So take this opportunity and explore the outdoors. Go to a park and take a six hour nap by the river….Go to a playground and laugh at little kids falling of the swing… walk down the street waving and strangers and see how they react….the options are endless. Cause let’s face it, soon enough you will be handcuffed to your laptop for months and the only thing you’ll be able to see is some random bird pooping on your windowsill.
8. Recruit fresh meat
Allegedly there are people out there who are not too fond of the contest, how that is possible is way beyond my wildest imagination but some of them even go as far as actively disliking it. It is your and my responsibility to change their perception right away even if it takes you all summer so by the time ESC 2014 is around they are dedicated Eurovision supporters. If they’re Rock lovers show them Lordi, if they’re into Jazz then play them the Italian song from 2011, if they prefer acoustic music maybe some a capella from Latvia 2006 may do it for them…if they don’t like music at all then they should definitely enjoy “Euro Neuro” as that is not music in any shape or form!
9. Buy a big jar of Nutella
No particular reason, I just really love that stuff!!!
10. Check ESC United, Dummy…
Yes, the last way to battle PED is shameless self-promotion; so get over it. It only makes sense to check us out on a regular basis. Not only do we bring you the news, but in our community the readers and contributors are in charge. You can join one of the most popular forums out there by clicking HERE and conversate (I know, it’s not a real word) with people from all over the world, play games and of course talk Eurovision. We are also on FACEBOOK, TWITTER and YOUTUBE. There is always something to do here so we hope you’ll join us!!!!!!!!
The author Matt Friedrichs is the founder of ESC United and the Forum Administrator. You can follow him on Twitter by clicking HERE