Every year our “Expert” Panel comes together to judge all entries for the Eurovision Song Contest and they’re back to take apart the 2014 entries and rank them accordingly. While their characters and comments may be wacky, the scores are dead serious. All 7 panelists will comment on the song and rank them accordingly giving it points using a scale from five to zero. At the end you’ll also get to cast your vote in the poll. At the end of the process you’ll get to meet the individuals behind the personas which includes staff member, readers, forum members as well as true music experts.

First, let’s have a look at the entries reviewed so far and their Score:

ranking 5

The next country to be reviewed and taken apart is SAN MARINO. Valentina Monetta is back for a third year in a row. In 2012 “The Social Network Song” flopped and in 2013 “Crisalide” was close to qualifying but it just wasn’t enough. Can she do it this time around with here entry MAYBE? Let’s find out how the Panel ranked it:

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5 Points

AlfonsoThis lady says maybe. I like that she’s down to earth, she’s not like that mermaid Tanja who is shouting to me that she wants me to stay with her to have amazing life. I like this in girls, to be down to earth. All this I hear is very nice, but I thought in that place they speak Italian. Why this girl doesn’t sing in Italian? It would be much better if she did. But it sounds very nice, she sounds like she’s a person full of passion and ready to give all this to her man. I hope I find a girl like her soon.

 

Pope Wilhelm

Praise the sun. Praise the icon. Blessed be the light she shines upon us. But the times ahead are dark. Last year our goddess emerged from her troll disguise of the year prior. She became the butterfly of hope. Dark things happened in Malmo. Dark Christer Bjorkman related things. This year Valentina gives us a warning. “Maybe there’s a pearl in the shell” Valentina ponders. Then moments later “Maybe we can not live in peace cause we’re under a spell”. Life is uncertain. I cry. Valentina doesn’t know what will happen to us. Humanity is heading towards devastation and there is not much our goddess can do except sweetly warn us. There is hope though. We must hear the longing in Valentina’s voice and vote her through to the final where the message can reach a larger number of lost souls. Heed her words. We are Valentina’s dream.

 

4 Points

NONE

3 Points

Madame BogbrushValentina is back for the 3rd year in a row. Yay! How does this compare to Crisalide? Not favourably. Not that the song is bad, In fact it is quite good. There are noticeably more Jazz elements and the song doesn’t have the musical power of Valentina’s previous entry. I don’t like it being in English, but her English singing has improved and the way she sings the word “Maybe” really works. I just wish the song exploded more at the end.
I imagine this will be another tight battle for qualification. Low song standards mean it is more likely.

 

Judge Mental

Schmaltzy. It’s like a video game anthem and a soap opera theme made sweet, sweet love and made a baby….maybe. Maybe this song would have been goodif it wasn’t just so self-indulgent. It’s not awful, but I kind of wish it was. maybe needs either embrace itself as the cheese-fest it is, or tweak itself to not be the joke it seems to be. (And really with the talky middle part with the sexy voic….really?!?!?) Verdict: 3…because maybe I like a little cheese.

 

 

 

 

2 Points

Oooh

Well, no. Go away. Go away. I don’t like it. Go away. Hmmph, there are moments that work well, and those moments are glorious. They make you say “wow”. But the structure and overall quality is unprofessional, juvenile, and disjointed, which makes you say something similar to the sound of a wet flannel hitting the floor. I don’t like the notes created by Valentina’s mouth, they’re annoying. Go away. Although I like Valentina. Remember that. You have to respect her don’t you? ‘Maybe’ is just bad. Bad. Bad. Umm, yes, bad.

Pilau Puppy
“Oh boy oh boy oh boy!….Heeeeey….” :slowly walks away sad and disappointed with tail between leg:

 

 

 

Edgars I is not even heard San Martino as a country until this year and is great surprise to me. Maybe they only began to joining Eirovizji, who is of knowledge? Maybe this song can qualify to grand final but I of no guarantee. Maybe… maybe… Her beaches are to die for of course but Senmertino beaches not existant so Edgars being lied to? Maybe

 

 

 

No 1 or 0 pointers were given out!

 

CURRENT SCORE: 22

Now it is your turn, cast your vote in the poll below on how many points you think Denmark deserves.

[yop_poll id=”44″]
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