Every year our “Expert” Panel comes together to judge all entries for the Eurovision Song Contest and they’re back to take apart the 2013 entries and rank them accordingly. While their characters and comments may be wacky, the scores are dead serious. All 7 panelists will comment on the song and rank them accordingly giving it points using a scale from five to zero. At the end you’ll also get to cast your vote in the poll. At the end of the process you’ll get to meet the individuals behind the personas which includes staff member, readers, forum members as well as true music experts.

The next country to be reviewed and taken apart is LATVIA. The tongue in cheek song is talking about of all the amazing things the band has accomplished yet they’re completely lost when there is a CAKE TO BAKE. Let’s find out what they panel has to say about this song and how many points it received.


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5 Points

Pope Wilhelm The worst kept secret in the church is that I am a massive fan of folk music. Here we have a group of joyous friends singing of their feats but despite such magnificent accomplishments, the singer is still unable to bake a cake. One would imagine depression and dark thoughts would come from such tragedy yet they are not downbeat from their troubles, instead the song is optimistic. The singer shall be phoning his mother for instructions (I wish I could do the same thing). “Cake To Bake” is a truly charming, authentic little song, may Valentina bless them.



4 Points

Judge MentalWith it’s beginning strains of music and strains of voice (with familiar silly rasp harkening back to that of a young Ring Starr), it’s color and mood changes quite abruptly with a simple guitar driven pop song that is quite simply about having a “cake to bake”. It’s simple, it’s cute and it’s catchy. The sound is quite contemporary, yet never feels like it’s stealing from other popular songs of the day. If it only included a small bridge or variations on the main theme, it would be a pure hit for me. I guess I’d just prefer a little icing on the cake. Verdict: 4



Latvia? What is this? I guess it’s the old Livonia. Let’s see now. A man with a cool hairdo playing the guitarra, so they still have guitarra today. But he’s saying that he’s got a cake to bake. Do men today bake cakes? I thought maybe he’s an orphan so he doesn’t have a mother to bake his cake, but then he says that he’s gonna ask this mother how to bake it. There are also some people playing something that looks like lyre and another one that makes sounds like it has beans inside and it’s shaked. I like this song, it has something charming about it. And it tells a story. The story of a man who wanted to bake a cake.


3 Points



2 Points

EdgarsIn darkest times my country is send great traditional song about luxury item in Latvia which is both sad and happy to me. Cake is great luxury for the wealthiest in Riga but I only dream of a day when I can have cake made not of fake potato. Is lie to me.



Oooh Well, I think we all know this is a bad attempt, but points must be given sweetness and lyrics. All together now: Mix some dough, add some love, let it bake, wait for it…! Oh and by the way, this won’t qualify, but it’s coming along for the ride




1 Point


0 Points

Madame Bogbrush

A shock winner for Latvia and I don’t even know where to begin with this. It reminds of Malta’s song last year. I didn’t like that, and this is even worse. The melody is almost non-existent, and the song doesn’t seem to elevate itself beyond being a simply ditty. Some people will like, but if I want to hear this I’ll go listen to drunk college students. I can’t see this qualifying, especially with Latvia’s poor historical support. I get the feeling Latvia don’t really care about this contest anymore…


Pilau Puppy

:paws over head covering snout: “AROOOOO!!!!! Make it stop! AROOOOOO!!!!!”







The “Angry Mob” AKA you had 24 hours to vote in the poll and you decided that Latvia deserved only an additionl 0.5 points which brings up the Final Score to 17.5

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