It’s the first Saturday of February. That means that means we’ve hit an infamous SuperSaturday, as the national final season has hit full throttle. In addition to a few heats, no fewer than four countries will choose their entrant tonight via a live final. Ukraine, winner of the 2022 contest, is one of them and we’ve reviewed the 11 songs hoping to represent the sky-blue-and-corn-yellow banner in Malmö.
Which act in this year’s Vidbir will emerge on top of our ranking, who are the individual favourites on our panel and how many low scores will David hand out this time? Read our article and find out!
But first the usual disclaimer:
Opinons stated below only reflect the views of the editor, and not of ESCUnited as a whole, nor those of our benevolent overlord Matt. You may direct your grievances at the editor responsible for vertical classification. Each reviewer is also aware that their opinions will be made public so if you’re one of these five reviewed artists and you meet the editor that eviscerated you, feel free to trash them back. They knew the risks. ^_^
On Today’s Panel We Find:
- Bearer of Resting Slav Face, Boris Meersman.
- Bearer of bad news and worse, Danish musical tastes, David Popescu.
- Enjoying the good life in the Californean sun, James Maude.
- Padding out the numbers so we can hit our quota, Tyler Griffith.
- Rating on a curve of constructive mansplainery, William Carter.
and today we will be reviewing the following five acts:
Each of our pentarchic panel of pugilistic ‘pinionbearers has scored all eleven participants out of 10, according to their own preferences and taste, and provided a write-up explaining why they feel the way they do. We’ve split the proceedings in half, with the first six in the running order appearing today, and the other five being posted in a second part.
Obviously this entire process will prove to be very subjective and messy and inconsistent as we each have different standards, but that’s the fun of it. Will we prove ourselves to a bunch of contrarian jerks this time around, or has Ukraine delivered a strong NF each of us could savour and enjoy? Let’s dive into it shall we, picking up where we left off and starting today’s batch with a very familiar face:
Boris – 6.5 – “Mélovin entering his Yass Hunty Slay era about five years too late lolbless ♥. Well, GOOD ON YA, Kostya. It’s a catchy uptempo song, but there’s a few things that prevent me from hopping on board (1) There’s no way he’s hitting any of these death notes without sounding like a owl coughing up a fur ball (2) Nobody, especially the Mélovin fangirls, are allowed to stand in the way of Tsunamia or T&M‘s glorious march to Eurovision which is what we gays DESERVE. (3) Mélovin abandoned his trademark mélovinese for English and that make him way less camp and stanworthy (4) We already have Bambie Thug delivering the 2018-era Mélovin energy and I like them better. 🙂 Overall, “Dreamer” is more than acceptable as a Vidbir entry, but very unaccaptable as a Vidbir winner.”
David – 5 – ” Thank God MÉLOVIN has practiced his English, so now it’s understandable, that’s a huge plus in itself. Anyhow, it feels like he has far more energy, than the song itself delivers. It’s not the best tune either, since there’s a lack of sound to it, very minimalistic. It’s not a bad attempt, but it’s not great either.”
James – 7 – “Melovin is back and dramatic as ever. His high-pitched vocals make him stand out, and he deploys them appropriately in this mid-tempo electropop song about overcoming adversity. He says this is a song about being Ukrainian, but I suspect from the lyrics he is also talking about his finally coming out in 2021. That’s fine, it can be taken as both. Overall, I’d have no issue with Melovin returning to Eurovision, but I doubt “Dreamer” will improve much on his prior showing and there are stronger entries at Vidbir this year.”
Tyler – 7 – “The first part of” the song where it’s slow and ballad-like was nice, but didn’t wow me. The complete shift to girlbop banger then was totally unexpected and I’m kinda here for it, even if it reminds me a bit too much of the derivative “Unicorn”. I’m sure Mélovin will be able to elevate the live performance and be engaging, and the enunciation in “Dreamer” is much better than “Under the Ladder”, good job!”
William – 7 – “Much like ‘Under the Ladder‘, this is an extremely catchy and sonically evocative bit of utter gibberish. It’s a song about nothing, but MY GOD if it doesn’t speak to nothing extremely well. Cannot wait to see this staged. The possibilities are endless. Mélovin is only getting a 7/10 from me, but please don’t misunderstand: I’m grading Vidbir on a curve. In any other selection, this would be a slam dunk, but Ukraine has OPTIONS”
Total Points: 32.5/50
Highest Score: 7 (James, Tyler, William)
Lowest Score: 5 (David)
Final Mark: B (65%)
Listen to “Dreamer” below:
Boris – 5 – “Maybe, I’m getting old but I don’t connect with this pseudophilosophical anthem. Skylerr asks a few loaded questions about running out of time and whether she’s crazy for feeling that way, and well… am I supposed to answer that for you? Isn’t that your job? I think the point of music is that YOU offer your audience one or multiple outcomes. Instead of answering its self-posed platitudes, “Time is running out” runs around in circles and becomes tedious when it could have been a fun fembot anthem. A shame. ”
David – 2 – ” Not a fan at all, about the mixture of the Ukrainian and the English languages, it becomes very messy with the constant mix-up. Stick it to only one language, will already be a big improvement. Not a fan of the slow intro and outro either, since it really doesn’t sound like it fits with the rest of the song. A lovely voice, but can say much more to the rest of the production”
James – 6 – In a national final where there are a few artists you could tar with the “eccentric” brush, Skylerr is not one of them, with her insistence of “tell me why I am crazy” coming off as a bit hollow. As good as she can sing, the song can’t generate the atmosphere of dread and paranoia the lyrics promise. Skylerr in this song is like casting Reese Witherspoon as the villain in the Saw movies.”
Tyler – 8 – “”Time Is Running Out” seems like it could be a slay! With effective staging, Skylerr can really capture the attention of the voters and do a good job not just in Vidbir, but in Malmö. I like the use of Ukrainian and English in the song and the different tonal changes are effective too and interesting. This song has potential, and I’m excited to see the live performance for this!”
William – 8.5 – ” God bless Ukraine. No other country is serving up tracks with this kind of moody, R&B-flecked rhythm. Honestly, Ukraine has the market cornered. People are sleeping on Skylerr, I think. This is QUITE good, and it has a ton of staging potential. There will be a lot of pop girlie-competition at this year’s Eurovision, but we all know Ukraine would just do it better than every one else.”
Total Points: 29.5/50
Highest Score: 8.5 (William)
Lowest Score: 2 (David)
Final Mark: C+ (59%)
Listen to – “Time is running out” below:
Boris – 6 – “An unassuming retro-sounding synthrock ballad. “Place I call home” won’t gild any lillies, but it’s a charming enough mid entry with no pretences to be anything else and that makes it perfect for padding out the numbers in this selection.”
David – 1 – “- This is incredible heavy and difficult to listen to. It has this very depressing and dull style over it, which just drags you down with it. Great lack of quality, both lyrically and musically. Vocal performance is decent, but just boring overall.”
James – 7 – “It’s charming in that retro ‘90s indie-pop kind of way, like the piano-driven bands like Ben Folds Five. There’s a warmth to this that is absent from the rest of this selection, and it stands out for that reason. But, it is also a bit lightweight and risks being pulverized by the darker, more powerful numbers in this selection (someone else claimed Mother Mary and she won’t help Ziferblat now).”
Tyler – 6 – “I mildly like this song! I get J-citypop vibes from the beat and the singing style, which is pretty great to hear. “Place I Call Home” starts out nice, but doesn’t get nicer if that makes sense. There’s no big build-up to the song, so it doesn’t drive me to back this entry for Ukraine and might get 1 televote from me in the semi. It’s still pleasant and nice, but I needed more from it.”
William – 5 – “I love that Vidbir always throws dramatic changes in mood, pace, and style into the selection like this. The sonic wall of this song is deceptively complex, I think. It sounds simple enough, but there’s a lot of fun and interesting stuff happening in the music track. This will be a refreshing deep breath during the run of the show, but it shouldn’t represent Ukraine in Malmö. And it won’t. I’m just happy it’s here”
Total Points: 25/50
Highest Score: 7 (James)
Lowest Score: 1 (David)
Final Mark: C- (50%)
Listen to “Place I call home” below:
Favourite entry of Boris
Boris – 9.5 – “HEI ANAIAI NAI NOOOO WE ARE TSUNAMIA! A sublime entry. Like Anka, Yagody fit in right on the Vesna-Shum axis of epic east-Slavic folk pop. While Anka was more in line with Go_A, Yagody lean more towards Vesna: Powerful vocal performance by three girls that blends chanting with polyphony and rapping in seamless transitions, all accompanied by soundtrack that fuses the traditional sounds of the dulcimer (tsymbali) and zither with subtle electro undercurrents. The end result is a wonderful re-imagination of old traditions using modern techniques, something the Ukrainians have mastered like none other. It’s very unfair to us Eurofans that we only get ONE of “Tsunamia” and “Teresa & Maria” in Malmö, or maybe even none at all. Perhaps Scam Marino should cancel their sham of a selection and just appoint Yagody as their entrant after they’ve lost Vidbir.”
David – 6 – “Interesting concept really. There’s something charming over it’s style and performance, which keeps your interest and curiosity going, but it does get a bit much being pretty much the same for the entirety of the song. It’s a hard style to perform, so if this succeeds, then all my praise, but for now, I’m being modest.”
James – 8 – “This is the folkier of the folktronica blends on offer at this year’s Vidbir, with traditional vocals and instrumentation a top of a smattering of modern bass. This is also the most nationalist of the songs, perhaps the most direct reference to Russia’s invasion without mentioning Russia. The tsunami referring to the wall of Ukrainian people who will stop the invader. And it works, as this could be a theme song to a TV show set in the Middle Ages about repelling foreign invaders. Its downfall is its directness – the most successful Ukrainian acts in this genre play with traditional stories and allegory (e.g. “Solovey”).”
Tyler – 8 – “Another slay in the making! I like the instrumentation and the rhythm to “Tsunamia” a lot, and I hope the live performance can capture how good the studio version can be. I’m not sure how well this song can do in the televote or the jury voting though, it just seems like an entry that could get robbed so I don’t want to be that attached to it. I quite like this and will be adding to my playlist. I just hope the live performance isn’t a flop.”
William – 8.5 – “Poor Yagody. In any other national selection this would be the A-plus, #1, top of the mountain, clear, obvious choice. It’s ethnic. It’s evocative. It’s sonically rich. It has a clear point of view. I do wonder if this will come across messy on stage, in a ‘Fulenn’-sort of way, but that’s my only note. And yet, this is not my #1. In any other year, it probably would be. But the #1 at Vidbir this year is clear, and it isn’t ‘Tsunamia‘.”
Total Points: 40/50
Highest Score: 9.5 (Boris)
Lowest Score: 6 (David)
Final Mark: A+ (80%)
Listen to “Tsunamia” below:
Favourite entry of Tyler
Boris – 7 – “This Insane Asylum anthem being three full minutes of unplugged t.A.T.u-style screaming ♥ Specifically, 100 seconds of HER hollering her lungs out, only for HIM to join in first in sweet soothing tones before he swerves in EVEN MORE CRAZED SHRIEKING, after which they spend the last minute CATERWAULING at each other in a completely batshit bonkers apothesis. It is, for lack of a better word, hysterical. “GLASSS” flaunts its unhingedness in our faces, and I’m seated for it.”
David – 7 – “This instantly made me think about t.A.T.u. but just a modern and Ukrainian version. Anyway, the most important thing, dial down on the screaming, it’s a bit over the top. Other than that, it’s quite the beat and melody, catchy and with some attitude to it. Don’t mind the Ukrainian and not being able to understand anything, it just sticks really well.”
James – 5 – “Repetitive, basic, noisy. I get they’re going for emotional turmoil and pain, but it’s a little too literal and it doesn’t feel like a fully formed song. It sounds like an angry interlude.”
Tyler – 9 – “I LOVE how this song sounds. I hear Alice Glass from Crystal Castles in the vocals, and I was just enthralled. I like the juxtaposition between both singers and the reason I’m not scoring this at least a 9.5 is because of the opening. I would have done it a few seconds shorter, but it obviously isn’t a huge detractor of my enjoyment. “Glasss” is just so different than what I normally hear in a national final selection, and it would be amazing to hear this onto the main stage in Malmö.”
William – 3.5 – ” Not to start an international incident or anything, but this sounds like a song t.A.T.u. would have released in their heyday. Don’t get me wrong. Did I blast 200 km/h in the Wrong Lane endlessly in 2003? I did. But that was 20 years ago. I appreciate Ukraine for giving us a dollop of screamo metal, but this isn’t the one.”
Listen to “Glasss” below:
The Ranking (complete)
- 🥇YAGODY – “Tsunamia” (80%)
- 🥈Alyona Alyona & Jerry Heil – “Teresa & Maria” (79%)
- 🥉ANKA – “Palala” (69%)
- MÉLOVIN – “Dreamer” (65%)
- NAHABA – “GLASSS” (63%), median of 7
- YAKTAK – “Lalala” (63%), median of 6.5
- SKYLERR – “Time is running out” (59%)
- INGRET – “Keeper” (53%)
- Ziferblat – “Place I call home” (50%)
- Drevo – “Endless Chain” (39%)
- NAZVA – “Slavic English” (35%)
Completely unexpectedly, Yagody emerge as the Team United favourite, beating Alyona Alyona and Jerry Heil by half a point for first place. It’ is now confirmed that we at #ESCUnited endorse either of these entries as the winner of Vidbir tonight. Anka the wildcard places third with a respectable average of 69%, while Mélovin places fourth in our review poll. Nahaba narrowly edge out Yaktak for the final spot in the top five.
Drevo and Nazva remain the only poorly-received acts, with an average below 50%.
Voting Chart
For administrative purposes (and for the nerds that like to look at excel charts), we’ve bundled who voted for what song in a chart below
As you can see, Yagody only narrowly won out over Alyona Alyona and Jerry Heil, becoming the first act to break the 80% mark in spite of David. James was once again the most positive juror with a good average of 68%. Boris and Tyler also enjoyed Vidbir, with averages of about 65%. Grading on a curve, William is the fourth most positive at 62%. Bringing up the rear, David handed out 43 points out of a possible 110, landing an average of 39%.
The overal verdict, would be safe to say, is that we enjoyed this selection and hope that it delivers on its promises. Well know for certain tonight. Tune in at 17:00 CET via this link to find out WHO gets to represent UKRAINE in Eurovision 2024!
Do #YOU agree with our editors? Who is #YOUR favoruite in Ukraine’s national selection. Let us know in the comments, on social media, on our Forum or in our Discord!
