Warning: this post contains opinions. Please try to not be offended.
Well, the end’s in sight. The third and final batch of semifinalists of Norway’s Melodi Grand Prix 2024 are going to make their entrance tonight. We at ESCUnited of course had our own share of opinions about tonight’s crop of hopefuls, so we’ve gathered our toughts into a smögåsbord of delectable reviews. You’ll have to scroll down and read the nitty-gritty of our opinions below, but we can say that our reviewers we’re too impressed by tonight’s group. Expect thundering indifference with some positivity and negative sprinkled in.
On today’s panel we find:
- Boris Meersman (BE/BG), the snarky grumking your wetnurse warned you about.
- Daniel Theophanous (GB/CY), included to provide an air of professionalism.
- David Popescu (DK/RO), rummaging through his Krampus sack for more coals.
- James Maude (US: CA), Our crew’s #1 MGP stanboy. (scaling with the amount of rum he’s consumed beforehand)
- Tyler Griffith (US: UT), the one that doesn’t know and cares even less.
- Yehonatan Cohen (IL), riding the positivity curve after a negative start.
As stated above, we will be reviewing all six songs participating in Norway’s third heat. The principle is simple: every song will receive a score between 0 and 10, and a review from each editor. After all 36 reviews (six per song), we’ll post a ranking that will show you which our qualifiers are going into tonight. The songs were rated based on their studio cut and their live potential at MGP/Eurovision.
WHICH of these 18 acts will be #TeamUnited’s favourite overal? Well, we have an answer for you, but you’ll have to read the post to find out. WILL ANYONE dethrone Gåte for first overall? And who are our ideal qualifiers for tonight. All of this shall be revealed!
But first the usual disclaimer:
Opinons stated below only reflect the views of the editor, and not of ESCUnited as a whole, nor those of our benevolent overlord Matt. You may direct your grievances at the editor responsible for vertical classification. Each reviewer is also aware that their opinions will be made public so if you’re one of these six reviewed artists and you meet the editor that eviscerated you, feel free to trash them back. They knew the risks. ^_^
From left to right and from top to bottom, these are the songs we are reviewing for #YOU today!
Annprincess – “Save me”
Let’s dive right in, and we start at the person with probably the best first name in recorded herstory:
Boris – 5 – “I wanted to give her all the points just because her name is Annprincess <3 What a slay name. But is “Save me” a slay song? 🤔 Ehh? It’s not as gripping as it should be. The verses are catchy enough, and the nursery-rhyme pre-chorus is inspired; Sadly it builds into a insipid refrain that lacks any sort of punch, and all the investment I had evaporates away. Five minutes since the last listen and I’ve already forgotten about it again. But we wouldn’t want KEiiNO to miss a final, so let’s toss Annprincess into this heat to serve as kindling for the celebratory bonfire, I guess — NRK“
Daniel – 5 – “All the ingredients are there: a well-produced song, almost catchy, featuring credible vocal. It is more on the subdued side of thing but nonetheless objectively one would say Save Me is a respectable and meaningful electronic pop song with a strong social message. But descriptions such as meaningful or respectful don’t allude to the most exciting of entries. Which is exactly the case here, a commendable effort, but it’s literally nothing to shout home about.”
David – 7 – “Really cool and catchy beat, catches you straight away. Lyrically, it’s no masterpiece and it’s very simplistic, to the point that it can be slightly bothering. I do wish the beat would develop far more as well, because it remains the same nearly throughout the entirety of the song. Very happy about the vocal moment as well towards the end, cause it did build up to it, so points for that as well.
James – 9 – “A dark, yet uplifting, pop track that makes clever usage of an infamous children’s rhyme that has had racist variations. This is primarily about bullying and feeling alone, and realizing that you have the power to rise above. It’s not generic and has personal touches by Annprincess – I’m assuming the children’s rhyme was used as a taunt and the picture on the wall in the video represents how she felt as a black child growing up in Norway – that make this stand out amongst other anti-bullying songs with non-specific mercenary-written lyrics, we’ve seen lately. This would be a great option for voters who think Mistra’s dark humor strays into goofy or don’t care for the weird retro dance conversion between A.I. and e-girl. In other words, this is the entry for the fan who wants something more serious and meaningful in their Eurovision.”
Tyler – 6 – “Pretty interesting to me! The song isn’t amazing, but I enjoy the beat and the lyrics to this song a lot, and if the staging is great, then I can see this reach the final and then placing last. It’s a good song, not a great song, and in this semi-final, that means it’s automatically the best, so Annprincess is now weighed down by my expectations. Sorry!”
Yehonatan – 5.5 – Annprinces is giving strong personality from the entry reveal show, and I hope that she will prove herself to be a good live performer too. It’s the Britpop I expect to her in the UK’s selection back in 2019. The song is nothing special but with a good vocal performance it could get a passing grade.
Statistics
Total points: 37.5/60
Highest Score: 9 (James)
Lowest Score: 5 (Boris, Daniel)
Final Mark: B- (63%)
Listen to “Save Me” below:
Agree with our editors? Let us know in the comments how #YOU would rate this entry.
Boris – 1 – “A prime example why nobody can always be at their best and why quality control is important in selections. I like KEiiNO’s music. This new KEiiNO song? Some damn diggity dogsh*t. What in the nightcore is this AI-sounding drivel? WHY DOES ALEXANDRA’S VOICE SOUND LIKE SHE’S ON HELIUM? WHY IS FRED SCATTING AND NOT YOIKING? IS TOM PHONING IT IN? IT’S NOT EVEN CATCHY. It’s upsetting because Spirit was great and Monument was a worthy follow-up, but Damdiggida barely hits the level of Caramelldansen. It’s three minutes of uptempo nothing without any of the qualities that would make it a KEiiNO song. Offerings such as these expose KEiiNO’s desperation and thirst for glory at any cost, which their smoothbrain fans facilitate by crying foul each time they’re missing from an MGP line-up. ENOUGH of the bullshit. Time for all parties involved to get a job. I’m sure there’s a few supermarket shelves somewhere that could use some stacking.”
Daniel – 5 – “The squeaky female vocal has come back to slay or attempt to. And maybe not quite slay this year, considering Damdiggida feels somewhat less impactful compared to Spirit In the Sky. Not that Keiino’s song was my top of that year, so I am perhaps biased in my review here. Like everyone – although they can certain claim, they did it first – they seem to have gone down the early 00s, euro trash, gym music rabbit hole. For the genre niche it inhabits, it does what it does very well and the Scandi production values are top notch. Furthermore, it goes without saying KEiiNO will totally sell it live. It’s just for me personally, this is not my vibe.”
David – 3 – “I don’t mind when artists experiment a bit and try different genres, but this just feels VERY out of touch. It’s a very boring attempt at an old style euro-dance track, which starts alright, but very fast becomes the same and just uninteresting. Overall, my interest is just long gone before the song ends, so I don’t even bother eventually.”
James – 1 – “I was initially hesitant to score this one so low. But “Spirit in the Sky” looms so large over this, and the distance between Keiino’s Eurovision 2019 televote winner and this weak sauce “I wanna hook up at the club before the night is out” dance track is so large. As a standalone song it is bland, but in comparison to the MGP monument that is “Spirit in the Sky,” this is a colossal disappointment. Where is Fred’s signature yoik, and why was it replaced with bored scatting? Why does Alexandra sound like she’s auditioning for Alvin & the Chipmunks? Where’s Tom apart from a couple parts in the outro? The note this song ends on is quite appropriate, as it sounds just like a giant wet fart. I hope this doesn’t win MGP, as this appearing at Eurovision could do irreparable damage to the goodwill they earned among European fans with their first offering.”
Tyler – 3 – “A modern interpretation of “Crazy Frog” and “Wadde hadde dudde da”? Keiino has done the impossible in capturing the hearts of Europe and beyond with “Spirit in the Sky”, and then dropping that quality like a stone half a decade laterr. “Damdiggida” is definitely an earworm (for the worst) so they’ve got the televote on lock. It’s just a question of how low the juries can tank them and where in the top ten they’ll place.”
Yehonatan – 6.5 – “First of all, I’ll start off by saying that KEiiNO are the best live performers I saw in person, and are so much fun on stage. I wished for their comeback for so long, in 2021 I was all in on the hype train for ‘Monument’. Nevertheless, this song is a proof that an artist shouldn’t comeback at *any* cost. ‘Damdigida’ is a product of the Käärijä-fication of Eurovision that we have been extensively experiencing this year. What I mean by that, is songs that have random syllabols as their main hook, instead of a good chorus, and it seems like almost every national final this season has one of these. This is one of the better attempts at this, but it still feels very derivative and uninspired. However even regarding that, the rest of the song is just not up to the standard I have come to expect from KEiiNO, and that is really heartbreaking to say. So with all of that said, I really want KEiiNO to try again in another year with a better song, even though in the mediocare MGP that we have this year, I wouldn’t be surprised if it ends up winning.”
Statistics
Total points: 37.5/60
Highest Score: 6.5 (Yehonatan)
Lowest Score: 1 (Boris, James)
Final Mark: F (33%)
Listen to “Damidiggida” below:
Agree with our editors? Let us know in the comments how #YOU would rate this entry.
Boris – 6.5 – “As I suggested with Fredrik in week 1, if the selection is composed of mostly uptempo trash, a downtempo quality ballad might sneak in and take the W. Out of the two options, “Green Light” has by far the most life thanks to its variable tempo and strong build up. The main concern, as always, is whether MIIA is a gifted enough in singing and acting to really sell plucky vibe she’s going for (does this woman ever smile?) That factor is unknown to me but it’s the dealmaker for any song. The studio cut offers me a glimmer of quality however, in a heat I otherwise hope burns to ashes.”
Daniel – 4 – “Starting off as a lovelorn ballad, Green Lights takes an unexpected turn in the chorus with the introduction of a beat and instrumentation which builds and build till the end. There’s a lot to merit here: the moments of intricate musicality, Miia’s vocal ability and it does keep the ear intrigued throughout; managing to stand out and diversify this semifinal. However, I remain unconvinced, I felt that the song (or the song’s creators) think itself more original than it is. An element of artifice seeps through for me and I’m unsure if this is owed to Miia’s delivery, lyrics or the production.”
David – 3 – “Didn’t expect the song to pick-up after the first minute, that caught me off-guard, since I was expecting the song to remain as a ballad. Unfortunately, my interest by that time was nearly completely gone. It did get better musically, but overall, it sounds like there’s a huge lack of proper structure when it comes to the lyrics, and that the entire composition is unfinished.”
James – 3 – “There are a lot of issues here. The main beat is too forward in the mix and sounds like a pounding headache on a song so light. Miia’s vocal style is an issue – she starts some lines off singing and rounds them out with talking, she sounds like she’s running out of breath on occasion, a lot of words sound slightly mispronounced. It runs out of gas with its “relationships are like driving a car” similes and metaphors in the lyrics, and the uplifting strings thrown in sound forced especially when no resolution to the song’s protagonist’s dilemma is found by the end.”
Tyler – 5.5 – “After a slow first verse, “Green light” exceeds my expecations in a positive way. It’s a good build up. That being said, I don’t really consider songs like these contenders unless the live performance is killer and the staging is amazing. There’s an audience for this song and I think people could well respond to it, but I find it a bit too subtle, and I think it’ll get easily lost in the shuffle. It’s merely okay!”
Yehonatan – 8.5 – “‘Green Light’ is a great representation of the mainstream nordic sound that is trending all over the world right now. The soft synthy ballad sound is heavily inspired by artists like Aurora or CHVRCHES and it sounds magical. In the end, I think that Miia has everything it takes to get on a flight to Malmö, even though it will be hard to stop the Gåte train from last week.”
Statistics
Total points: 30.5/60
Highest Score: 8.5 (Yehonatan)
Lowest Score: 3 (David, James)
Final Mark: C- (51%)
Listen to “Green lights” below:
Agree with our editors? Let us know in the comments how #YOU would rate this entry.
Boris – 8 – “Benedicte went from singing about the joys of life in 1984, to longing for her death in 2024. NOW THAT IS RANGE AND GROWTH, YOUR FAVES COULD NEVER. Of course the very premise of a woman in her sixties singing a throaty gothic metal ballad about how much she wants to die while grinding her woman parts against the grim reaper is the very definition of Camp, and same girl. I’m “alive” and life is killing me too, moreso for every second I’m forced to listen to the other songs in Delfinalen 3. If Gåte hadn’t turned up last week, Mistra would have been my choice for Norway so they could have a ball traumatizing zoomers and humourless sows with their morbid Je t’Aime Moi Non Plus cadaver in Malmö and then NQ in the semi. But as it stands, I’ll gladly have Mistra as delightfully macabre shock finalists that send aforementioned zoomers and humourless sows down a spiral of copium and rage. ”
Daniel – 7 – “Mistra is Benedicte Adrian and Anders Odden who jointly function within the operatic, industrial, goth-metal music scenes. The influences of these genres are all over Waltz of Death, especially in its ominous chorus sounds with some sonic retro additions reminiscent of 60s horror films. Adrian’s vocal prowess successfully enhance the song’s haunting quality. This is a very interesting proposition, and it goes without saying its stands out in this semi. I am unsure of its palatability by a mainstream audience. But then if Gothminster managed to qualify then so can this.”
David – 1 – “This is a huge mess, I understand experimenting with genres and combining them, but I’m hearing 3 different genres in a 3-minute-long song, which include classical, standard and metal. Lyrics are poorly executed vocally as well, and there’s absolutely no sense of structure at all over the song. This becomes very dragging and confusing.”
James – 9 – “This is perhaps the funniest goth-metal song since Type O Negative’s “Black No. 1.” Death metal guitarist Anders Odden and singer Benedicte Adrian combine to make one of MGP’s oddest acts, but it is a compelling entry if you like your humor a little on the dark side. I also can’t predict how this will fare as some may not get the joke, but a camp performance should be able to sell it. And for once I might have faith in a Norwegian audience to vote for this quirky number given that country’s morbid sense of humor. Expect “Cause I’m Alive and Life is Killing Me” to be the lyric of the contest should Mistra make it to Malmo.”
Tyler – 5 – “Independent from any other MGP entry, “Waltz of Death” is fine. The song is quite slow and doesn’t really amp itself up, it is subdued and experimental with no real bombastic moment to work towards. With regards to its place in MGP though, I like it better “We Come Alive“, but I’ll be annoyed as hell if this qualifies, (we don’t need two of these) so I’d rather it just this “Waltz of Death” met its death in the heats like it desires.”
Yehonatan – 2 – “This song makes me feel uncomfortable for so many reasons. The cringy metaphors, and overly dramatic music that fits kids shows’ villains, it’s just all too much for aboslutely no reason. I’ll be highly confused if it ends up in the final of MGP.”
Statistics
Total points: 32/60
Highest Score: 9 (James)
Lowest Score: 1 (David)
Final Mark: C (53%)
Listen to “Waltz of Death” below:
Agree with our editors? Let us know in the comments how #YOU would rate this entry.
Boris – 6 – “With a number that weaves between big high notes and falsetto screams over a bouncy melody that begs for an energetic live act, there is no middle ground: This dashing young homosexual is either going to be a HUGE LIVE SLAY, or a HUGE LIVE DISASTER. But I’m preeeetty darn confident Thomas is a casualty in this slay or be slain world. Making any component of “Take me to heaven” work takes a decent chunk of skill and effort. Surely Thomas have been in the winner conversation by now if anyone thought he had either? I’m seated for either outcome as both would give me something entertaining to cling to in the dead space between Eurovizija.lt entries. But I’m always partial towards a pleasant surprise, of course.”
Daniel – 5 – “Another pop vanilla sound, with 80s synth upgraded by contemporary production. It reminds me of Reiley’s Breaking My Heart from last year, but with a much more competent vocal. In fact, Jenssen’s is truly impressive with his soulful falsettos. Just his vocal however isn’t able elevate the song from the basic pop territory it inhabits. Borrowing all these riffs and styles that we’ve all heard time and time before It’s a rather safe option, worthy, but incredibly safe.”
David – 2 – “This has some very old-school vibes to it, but it out-does itself very fast. The same style throughout the entirety of the song, not much is changing, and eventually the song just gets stuck in itself. I’m willing to hear where it goes, but it just takes me nowhere. Just a fine catchy start, which dies out rather fast.”
James – 7- “We all know the guy who listens to songs like this. Drives a Jaguar F-Type, will play a retro ‘80s pop influenced song like this while cruising Santa Monica Boulevard while lamenting that young men don’t wear short shorts and rollerskates anymore. He will play this song on the way to the club as a not too subtle hint to his date, but his mood will be soured slightly when the bartender makes a snarky remark about him being a basic geezer for ordering a gin and tonic. This is a fluffy, fun dance song about picking someone up at a club, and it won’t make you feel sad or sleazy about it, even if your ageing is making your manwhoring ways a little boring and bougie.”
Tyler – 5.5 – ” I kinda like this, but I doubt if it’ll work live. Thomas sings well in studio, but a lot of high notes makes me question if it’s possible to pull off live, even with the autotune. The song is just fine overall though, doesn’t really take me anywhere other than onward to the next song in the playlist, but good luck on Saturday!”
Yehonatan – 4.5 – “Yet another entry that feels just a tad empty of life. I think I’ve heard around 5-10 songs that sound exactly like this one in the national final seaosn so far, and there’s nothing bad about them, they are just generally ok. I’m not a huge fan of his vocal style which doesn’t help it either.”
Statistics
Total points: 30/60
Highest Score: 7 (James)
Lowest Score: 2 (David)
Final Mark: C- (50%)
Listen to “Take Me To Heaven” below:
Agree with our editors? Let us know in the comments how #YOU would rate this entry.
Boris – 5 – “This is such Telenovela intro music lmfaoooo. Come on, how can you expect me to take that seriously? “Mer” is a fun bouncy tune, but the sort that leads directly into our daily dose of “What is the circumference of that spruce over there?” and “Will the Sødergaards serve ribble or lutefisk for Christmas?” and “Elsa Marin hit her head on a crossbeam and now only speaks Nynorsk” or whatever the fuck the plots are of shows Norwegians watch for light entertainment.”
Daniel – 5 – “A feelgood fast paced pop song, instantly harking you back to the days of Emo. Laudably sang in Norwegian with an impressive vocal by Vidar Villa who delivers 100%, but let’s be real this very much a song by numbers. MER is not awful but it’s not great, its simply there.”
David – 5 – “Smart keeping it in Norwegian, it adds to it’s charm and the message of the song. I can respect the lyrics, to aim for something else and wanting more, rather than being stuck in the same loop over and over. The melody is just a tad boring to me, but it’s not bad, it’s enjoyable while it’s there.”
James – 6 – “Light, bubbly life-affirming pop. This sounds like something you’d hear playing at GAP that calms you down if you stub your toe in their changing rooms. It’s all very safe, though. Perhaps even a bit Dad-pop, where the only edge would come from a Dad telling his kids of the things he gave up while raising them while listening to this. I can see why some folk may enjoy this, be inspired to live more in the moment by this even. But it does come with a lack of idiosyncrasy that will probably sink this.”
Tyler – 5 – “Opening the semi and in Norwegian? Dead in the water. I don’t think “Mer” is an offensive song, rather inoffensive. The beat is poppy and could be a bit of an earworm, but we’ll see what the staging is like and if that’ll elevate the song itself to make people want to vote for it. I don’t see this being a contender whatsoever and the song is fine at best, so just cutting my losses now.”
Yehonatan – 7 – “Vildar is bringing a ‘Mer Av Dig’ (Melfest 2023) ripoff and I’m so here for it. It’s geniuenly joyful and isn’t overproduced to the bone like so many entries in this MGP. It’s a shame he’s not one of the last 3 songs which of course means that by MGP 2024 rules he can not qualify.”
Statistics
Total points: 33/60
Highest Score: 7 (Yehonatan)
Lowest Score: 5 (Boris, Daniel, David, and Tyler) (lmfao – also this was David’s second highest score overall)
Final Mark: C (55%)
Listen to “Mer” below:
Agree with our editors? Let us know in the comments how #YOU would rate this entry.
And that concludes our review for MGP2024. We hope that you enjoyed reading our reviews more than we enjoyed listening to the songs and we mean that sincerely.
The Chart
Below you can see this week’s voting chart. Which of our editors liked tonight’s show best?
As you can see, once again James emerges on top as this week’s most positive juror with a scintillating scoring average of 58%, followed by Yehonatan’s 57%. David once again brings up the rear with an impressively high 35%.
The chart also establishes Annprincess as this week’s clear favourite with an average mark of 63% and notably, no score below 5/10. Our editors would also like to see Vilar Vida and Mistra in the final of MGP, but I think it’s safe to state that truly, we’re not really that bothered either way.
FINAL RANKING
With the batch of today being folded into our ranking, did this change anything. Going into tonight, Gåte were on top, beating Margaret Berger in the tiebreaker. Did that change.
Well, this is the final ranking (Heat 3 inclusions in italics)
- 🥇Gåte – “Ulveham”(64%), median of 7
- 🥈Margaret Berger – “Oblivion” (64%), median of 6.5
- 🥉 Annprincess – “Save me” (63%)
- Farida – “Heartache” (62%)
- Ingrid Jasmin – “Eya” (58%), median of 6, highest of 7, 3 6s
- Mileo – “You’re mine” (58%), median of 6, highest of 7, 2 6s
- Eli Kristin – “Touch of Venus” (58%), median of 5.7
- Vidar Villa – “MER” (55%)
- Myra – “Heart on fire” (54%)
- Mistra – “Waltz of death” (53%), median of 6
- Mathilde SPZ ft Chris Archer & Slam Dunk – “Woman show” (53%), median of 4.7
- SuperRob & Erica Norwich – “My AI” (52%)
- MIIA – “Green lights” (51%)
- Thomas Jenssen – “Take me to heaven (50%), median of 5.2
- GOTHMINISTER – “We come alive” (50%), median of 4
- Fredrik Halland – “Stranded” (49%)
- Dag Erik Oksvold & Anne Fagermo – “Judge tenderly of me” (43%)
- KEiiNO – “Damdiggida” (33%)
(note: Gåte and Farida’s scores had been erroneously swapped around in out last ranking. The ranking depicted above is the correct one.)
Annprincess came close to first place, but came a point short for gold or silver, instead having to content herself with bronze. Mistra and Vidar Villa, our two other ideal qualifiers for tonight make the top 10, with Mistra beating out Matilde SPZ due to a higher median. Miia and Thomas received disappointing marks, stranding in 13th and 14th overall in a field of 18. KEiiNO were the act we collectively liked the least, and the bring up the rear of the ranking with the only truly bad mark of 33%.
Meanwhile, Gåte have retained the first place by a hair and are now officially #TeamUnited’s favourite MGP2024 act (at least amongst the editors that participated). Margaret Berger, Annprincess, Farida (eliminated in heat 2) and Ingrid Jasmin complete the top five.
Are we going to get the finale that we dream of? Well absolutely not since Farida has already been eliminated, but there’s no harm in a bit of manifesting for our other faves. May we always be a little (or probably, completely) wrong. Such is the magic of pre-show opinion-making.
You can read parts 1 and 2 HERE and HERE
What is #YOUR ranking of the Norwegian entrants? Is there someone #YOU look forward to in Heat 3? #Who was #YOUR biggest surprise in the first two heats? and who do #YOU think will win it all. Join the discussion on our forum or discord, or share #YOUR opinions in the comments below. We value #YOUR input as #YOU are Unites Eurovision into one big happy family.
Tonight’s Delfinalen starts at 19:50 CET, and can be seen via NRK’s website: https://www.nrk.no/mgp/
Join us next Saturday when we delve into UKRAINE’s national final.
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