Most heinous abuse of the English language

[Andalublue]

It struck me very strongly this year that many of those non-English-speaking countries that enter songs in English are making a big mistake. Europe wants to hear the wonderful variety of languages sopken across our wonderfully culturally diverse continent.

This also led me to think about the entries that made the worst use of English in their songs. Who were the worst criminals in mangling our beautiful language? Post your nominations here.

I'm thinking to judge it on two criteria: firstly, which song had the most ridiculous, banal and clichéd English lyrics? Here's a couple of examples:

"When the night is falling from the sky" - anyone else think, well, that's impossible, night falls, but it can't fall from the sky?

"Ain't got no funny"???? Ain't got no (double negative) funny....what?

"This is a zeal from above" What is one of those? Anyone know what a 'zeal' is? Is it like a zea-lion?

Secondly, which performers sang their songs as if they had never heard English spoken before? Bad pronunciation, unintelligible delivery and thick, unbearable accents score high. I reckon the Swiss brothers or the Belarus rockers sound like they've learned their English from a tourist phrase-book.

I really wish ESC would return to the mother-tongue language rule. This year's contest suggests that singing in your own language is no barrier to scoring well, so why not?

There are ten candidates in the poll. If you can think of more, post an example of their crimes and we'll see if they can be added.

 

[Mozz]

Heinous? I love that word. I want to see these heinous word crimes fought by dedicated people like detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler.

 

[Andalublue]

Heinous? I love that word. I want to see these heinous word crimes fought by dedicated people like detectives Olivia Benson and Elliot Stabler.

I invite you to join the SVU.

"In the Eurovision Song Contest the most heinous crimes against languages are investigated by a team of highly-trained pedants and grammar Nazis, known as the Special Vocabulary Unit. This is their story."

 

[Mozz]

There is one mistake that the Belgians know about and that you forgot (or overlooked):

What would you do when my house was empty? xsing

But you're not talking about grammatical errors?

 

[Andalublue]

You see? You've definitely got the making of an SVU agent. Great nomination! That makes no flipping sense at all.

 

[LakZaNokte]

2

I thought those were actual lyrics for turksh song
seriously, that's what I hear but I never questioned it cause I...don't care so I didn't think about the meaning 2

btw, this should have been multiple choice. it's so hard to choose just 1

 

[Mozz]

If had to choose, I'd pick the Swiss entry. I know they've corrected it, but still those words, that pronounciation...I still can't get it out of my head.

"Sweem against the strimm, following your wildest drimms, your wildest drimms....." :?

It's just bloody awful.

 

[Narmina]

Russia

 

[Andalublue]

They were the actual Turkish lyrics, but no one told Can that ships can't fly.

Sorry about the multi-choice thing, "A shove know beddeeeeer".

 

[Quent91]

Switzerland actually had an bad pronounciation :?

 

[EurovisionSmile]

Personally I think if countries choose to sing in English, it must be fluent, otherwise it's just ridiculous. However I think it's an option and not a drama. I hope this rule remains.

Anyway, my choice goes to Russia

 

[kotten]

Switzerland... I overlook Russia because of their age.

I think Germany sang Standing Stiuuuel.

 

[seb89]

I voted Belarus. I'm not the one to judge though, my English pronunciation is.. hm :/.

 

[CPV4931]

Switzerland ^^ "Swim against the Swim" was epic

 

[doctormalisimo]

I think Im the first native English speaker to post here.

Aw you guys are being unnecessarily cruel. I always have sympathy for people trying to speak English, and ESC is no exception. Yes I do think that if you cant speak English, you shouldnt sing in English, but I always feel sorry for those who do. I'm sure people would feel compassionate for me if I tried to sing in Danish or Serbo-Croatian...

 

[rajo]

Switzerland actually had an bad pronounciation :?

Sure, but they came from the Italian speaking part of Switzerland. As we all know, Italians tend to rape English language the most.

 

[Andalublue]

I think Im the first native English speaker to post here.

No, you're not.

Aw you guys are being unnecessarily cruel. I always have sympathy for people trying to speak English, and ESC is no exception. Yes I do think that if you cant speak English, you shouldnt sing in English, but I always feel sorry for those who do. I'm sure people would feel compassionate for me if I tried to sing in Danish or Serbo-Croatian...

I don't think that's true. I think many people would be horrified if an English speaker tried to enter by mangling a beautiful language they didn't really speak. You should have heard some of the comments from Spanish friends about the way the Romanian girl grated, minced and stewed up her castellano.

In any case, this is meant to be a fun thread. I was aiming for a slightly mickey-taking tone, not outright condemnation. Chill out, my lilting, brogue-speaking bro o'er the Irish Sea!

 

[Mozz]

Now "chill out" is examplary, good English!!

 

[yulara]

They were the actual Turkish lyrics, but no one told Can that ships can't fly.

ships ? for me, he was referring to baby, which has a meaning for a french speaker like me

 

[Andalublue]

Now "chill out" is examplary, good English!!

It's the imperative of a common phrasal verb to be found in the Oxord English Dictionary. Don't start sassing me, SVU rookie. I'm the ranking officer here!