Every year our “Expert” Panel comes together to judge all entries for the Eurovision Song Contest and they’re back to take apart the 2014 entries and rank them accordingly. While their characters and comments may be wacky, the scores are dead serious. All 7 panelists will comment on the song and rank them accordingly giving it points using a scale from five to zero. At the end you’ll also get to cast your vote in the poll. At the end of the process you’ll get to meet the individuals behind the personas which includes staff member, readers, forum members as well as true music experts.

First, let’s have a look at the entries reviewed so far and their Final Score:

expert 2

The next country to be reviewed and taken apart is ESTONIA. During the NF, Tanja impressed us with some mad acrobatic skills but is the song AMAZING going to win over the panel? Let’s find out!!!!!

 [vsw id=”7VRSXRXBWCs” source=”youtube” width=”425″ height=”344″ autoplay=”no”]

5 Points


4 Points


3 Points

Madame Bogbrush

Already this song is being called a poor man’s Euphoria, but I wouldn’t say the comparisons are entirely fair. It’s a solid dance number. I particularly like the chorus, as it brings a level of epic to the song. The real story is of course the staging for this entry and how well Tanja can carry her vocals while moving around. It’s an improvement on last year, but Estonia still have a way to go before becoming a force again. This will probably scrape through to the final. Decent effort by Estonia.


Pilau Puppy :curious head tilt: “What’s this? I feel like I’ve seen it before. I’m bored.” :Goes back to licking private areas in public:




Judge Mental
I must start off by admitting that I have an overwhelming bias against songs that rhyme in an AABB fashion. In the Eurovision arena, I feel like they’re always written to help non-English speakers remember the lyrics, but always feel mundane and elementary to those of us who are fluent. That being said, I still just don’t love this song. It has everything in a typical formula: instant rhymes, cut outs that immediately jump into key changes, etc. and that’s exactly how it feels to me: formulaic. Good vocals (not great), a good beat (not great), and mediocre words pull this peppy Euro-pop dance song into the mediocre realm. Verdict: 3


2 Points

Alfonso Is this how girls dress today? Aaaaaah, what are all these noises? First time I hear something like this. It sounds like I’m captured by demons and they shout in my ears. Oh no, I know what this is. This is how the mermaid was shouting to me to follow her, she was shouting “you’ll have an amaaaazing liiiiife with meeeeee”. Oh please, don’t tell me that it’s her and she came to take me back to that isolated island. Yes, I can hear her saying “staaaaaay”. I can’t stand listening to her for one more minute. Of course, this is anything but amazing.


1 Point

Pope Wilhelm “Amazing” is a word that can be used for many things.. Smoked Salmon, Romy Haag, Sundays. However, “Amazing” certainly isn’t a word I would use to describe this pretentious abomination of everything that is good taste. We have a young lady being constantly thrown around whilst she struggles to scream out some nonsense over a made to order dance track. Bless her. The holy one does love a trier… in this case I don’t though and strongly advise Tanja to join the church quickly before it’s too late.


Edgars Dearest neighbours have such of high quality in selections and send averagest of entries. Sandy Nurmsu could be of better entry with her raft of dreamy success but amazing lie is not amazing but is lie. Hopefully Estonie can not into final this year and feel great traditional Latvian success.



Oooh Euro-crud. Pop-poo-poo. This trashy stereotype produced by Estonia is by no means a well made song. Production is poor, but they squeezed a little promise from the verses. To be destroyed by the staggeringly hideous chorus, with the lovely Tanja screeching a badly placed note.





0 Points




The “Angry Mob” has voted and decided that Estonia deserves an additional 3.5 points which helps Tanja to catch up to Latvia.

[yop_poll id=”41″]

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