Every year our “Expert” Panel comes together to judge all entries for the Eurovision Song Contest and they’re back to take apart the 2014 entries and rank them accordingly. While their characters and comments may be wacky, the scores are dead serious. All 7 panelists will comment on the song and rank them accordingly giving it points using a scale from five to zero. At the end you’ll also get to cast your vote in the poll. At the end of the process you’ll get to meet the individuals behind the personas which includes staff member, readers, forum members as well as true music experts.

First, let’s have a look at the entries reviewed so far and their Final Score:

 expert 3

The next country to be reviewed and taken apart is DENMARK. The host country is sending someone who people refer to as the Danish Bruno Mars. His song CLICHE LOVE SONG will now be taken apart by our expert, did they like it Let’s find out

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5 Points

Judge Mental

Brilliant! They took the idea of a cliche pop love song, nurtured like a child, and it grew into a fully realized incarnation of that which they almost seem to be making fun of. Sophisticated? Complex?  No!…. but that’s exactly what it’s supposed to be and does a tremendous job in the process. By relegating itself to be just another pop song, it actually elevates itself in the process making what could have been just another pop song into “one to watch.” Plus it’s super dooba-dooba-doop-bi-sweep-do-catchy. Verdict: 5

AlfonsoI don’t know if this is cliché, because I don’t know anything about this world, but for a very weird reason, I like this a lot. Sounds like nothing I’ve heard so far. This dancing is cool, but I wouldn’t dare to dance like this in the Medieval times, I’d be dead the very next minute. This folk though doesn’t have any bad reception, I can hear the applause of the crowd for him. Very cool piece of music.

 

 

4 Points

Edgars

This man is of hip and of hop and of smoothy pop but song is not as sophistikate as hoped. Thanks to the catchy scooby dooby dow wop of his lyric I can appreciate Danish entry and I hope for every success but this song sadly is not of winner quality for them once again.

 

3 Points

NONE

2 Points

Oooh

Now now, don’t get carried away buy the scooby-be-doo-da-das. This is unoriginal (oh the irony) and far too bouncy. Maybe it will do well because of its funky groove, but I’m not impressed. It will receive many silly and unfounded votes from the blind and vulnerable (to pop songs). Poor quality, but boingy.

 

Pilau Puppy

:snarls: “GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! Nope, don’t like, don’t like at all. But wanna prance around to it. Whyyyyy!? Aroooo!!!!”

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1 Point

NONE

0 Points

Madame Bogbrush It’s hard to ignore that this is the entry sent by our host nation. An opportunity to show themselves off and they send…this. Sorry, but this is nowhere good enough for a country like Denmark.I hear Bruno Mars vibes from this. I can’t stand the skooba-dooba-deewhatever chorus. I can’t tell exactly what the song is trying to be, but it fails hard. I don’t find it catchy, It has zero impact and Basim’s voice is actively annoying. I expect to see Denmark in the bottom 5 in the final. Garbage entry.

 

Pope Wilhelm One would think a host country would offer us a song of certain sophistication but blessed be not this dreadfully annoying song. “Shoobi boobi be ba ba boo bi”… excuse me? Such scandal and darkness. Something like “Oh oh-uh oh Oooooh” would be much more acceptable and please our goddess. I hate this kind of forced joyfulness. This is not Junior Eurovision. The man is clearly able to sing in tune but I simply cannot give a single point as this style of voice and song… my ears just sting. Horrendous. May our goddess save this young mans soul. Perhaps the music of Ralph Siegel will set him on the right path. I have sent out guards to seize him.

 

 

CURRENT SCORE: 18

 

Now it is your turn, cast your vote in the poll below on how many points you think Denmark deserves.

[yop_poll id=”42″]
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