DISCLAIMER: All the opinions stated in this post represent the views of the person quoted and do not represent ESCUnited as a whole. We are an opinionated lot with conflicting opinions, for which we take full responsibility.
Welcome back to ESCUnited’s Team Reviews, where the team is going through a bit of “National Final Burnout.” This week we have been in the midst of several National Finals with 20 or more songs (looking at you, Serbia) so let’s take things down a notch and head over to Denmark, where the Dansk Melodi Grand Prix 2025 has 8 songs competing for a chance to represent Denmark in Basel, Switzerland. Eight songs sounds like nothing compared to the hoards that some other countries give us to review!
The team is a quiet one today, with just 3 of our staff members offering their thoughts:
- Boris, who is slowly losing his mind
- David, who didn’t let his citizenship cloud his judgement
- Rebecca, who tried very hard to be the voice of reason but wasn’t quite able to muster up the strength
Let’s have a look at what they thought of our 8 Danish hopefuls.
Mariya – “I Belong To Me”
Boris – 5 – “It’s ‘I belong to myself’. Anyway, this is your usual self-empowering “I AM GOING TO STAND UP FOR MYSELF” stuff, nothing major. Mariya’s going for a vibe and moderately succeeds in nailing it.”
David – 3 – “Your average overproduced Scandi-pop, that’s what this song is. The song just feels empty and soulless, I’m personally bored when listening to the song, because the sound isn’t catching me at all. There’s nothing wrong with what Mariya delivers, it’s just that, I don’t feel the connection between the song and the singer.”
Rebecca – 3 – “I get that we’re going for a self-empowered BDSM idea, but the lyrics are quite nonsensical in my eyes. I don’t really understand the vibe that we’re going for here… is it sultry? Powerful? Moon I’m howling? I’m lost.”
TOTAL: 11/30 (3.7 Average)
Tim Schou – “Proud”
Boris – 2 – “Tim changed his musical style from U2 adjacent to WGWG, but remained the same irritating virtue signaller that spouts apocryphal tales about Good Nature. It’s impossible to tell from listening to the music and lyrics whether Tim sings about one of his children, his younger self, a person he met in the street, or someone entirely fictional, which extinguishes any sort of empathy I could feel with his words. WHO ARE YOU PROUD OF, TIM? DON’T MAKE ME BROWSE EUROVOIX FOR ANSWERS!!! So much for personal growth, I suppose.”
David – 3 – “It’s a cute song in itself, it has a message and a story, and that at least makes the song feel personal. On the other hand, this is not exactly a story I’m connecting with, it’s not reaching me, because the song feels far too personal. I wouldn’t mind if the song stayed calm, but I have no idea why the need to add loud parts to the song, which ruins the calm tone.”
Rebecca – 7 – “This is very cute. It’s also very generic, but very cute nonetheless. A message to your younger self is surprisingly not as overdone as one might think, at least when presented in this way, so it doesn’t feel as boring as I initially thought it might. It’s not reinventing the wheel by any means, but a sweet, heartfelt performance will be very endearing and pleasant to watch.”
TOTAL: 12/30 (4.0 Average)
Max Ulver – “Supernova”
Boris – 6 – “This is okay. “Supernova” is the type of song that radio stations would try to hype up because they’re easy listening, and the sheeple would imprint on after a few listens because it sounds like a few other songs. Radio hits are not good Eurovision entries however, since you only get ONE chance to instantly make a good impression. DR will need to double down on the smooth, flirtatious vibe to convert “Supernova” into an opportunity.”
David – 3 – “This can almost not get anymore Danish than it is… well, unless it was in Danish. Anyhow, very boring lyrics-wise, especially with the chorus that tries to bring a crowd sing-a-long moment, but doesn’t work due to it’s simplicity. The song lacks personality, and it’s very much the same for 3 minutes quite fast. I’m just quickly bored.”
Rebecca – 6 – “Nothing about this song makes me think of the word “Supernova”. It’s aggressively fine. I’m also trying really hard not to be hooked in by that funky little beat, but I fear that’s fighting a losing battle here. It’s generic and inoffensive and—damn it, okay, it’s funky. You win, Max Ulver. Damn my inability to look past a funky beat!”
TOTAL: 15/30 (5.0 Average)
Hervé Toure – “ALLEZ ALLEZ”
Boris – 4 – “Tropical house used to be all the rage in 2015 Melfest, and none of it made the final. ‘Perfect material for DMGP 2025’ someone very deluded must have thought. ‘Allez Allez’ wouldn’t make it past a Melfest heat, it’s just too limp to really accomplish anything.”
David – 4 – “This really sounds like the kind of music that usually charts here in Denmark. I actually like the vibe and the fact it’s in Danish. The lyrics are a bit lame, but also fair. I enjoy it has this slightly different sound that usual Danish pop, but I’m still struggling to care too much. As if, the song wants to be different, but is too afraid of stepping out from safety.”
Rebecca – 5.5 – “I really like that this is in Danish—it sounds very pleasant and really lends to the chill vibes they’re trying to set up. I just don’t think those vibes will stand out at Eurovision. This is nice, but that’s about it.”
TOTAL: 13.5/30 (4.5 Average)
Maria Mathea – “Air”
Boris – 1 – “The battle for the life, is bigger than you know. Yes, fucking VLADANA is the nearest adjacent to Maria Mathea’s atrocious schmalzfest, and I apologize to Vladana for it. As miserable as ‘Breathe’ was it didn’t cause me emotional damage. “AIR! AIR! AIR! NEVER COMING UP FOR AIR!” is such a vile line even without the horrendous execution. Like who is this aimed at? People that want to feel like crap when listening to music? HOW DO THESE PEOPLE *LIVE* WITHOUT A SINGLE SPARK IN THEIR MIND?!”
David – 2 – “You can tell this is the non-Dane is the competition, because this is not something I’m very familiar with, when it comes to Danish music. Anyhow, I’m absolutely bored here, this is quite a heavy ballad and not much is going on either. Personally, it’s just about reaching the end of the song, which is at least possible, thanks to a lovely vocal.”
Rebecca – 2 – “He was, she was, they both sucked and ruined each other’s lives, the end. This is a bummer, and not the kind of bummer that tugs at your heartstrings, but the kind of bummer that makes you go “wow, yikes” and turn it off.”
TOTAL: 5/30 (1.7 Average)
Adel the Second – “The Unluckiest Boy Alive”
Boris – 7 – “I am SO tempted to just quote this entire song. There’s sad boys, there’s blackpilling and then there’s songs that have “IT’S A WONDER I HAVEN’T YET DIEEEEEEED // WHEN I’M THE UNLUCKIEST BOY ALIIIIIIVE” as a hook. Good fucking god. Other verses include “Why don’t you feel bad for me? // Why don’t you feel worse” and “GIVE ME REASONS NOT TO HIDE// GIVE ME REASONS NOT TO DIE // GIVE ME REASONS :dry sob:”, and they’re all sung over an upbeat track that liberally throws around the confetti as Adel wallows in his misery. It’s… very close to performance art, to be honest.”
David – 1 – “I don’t understand this at all. We have this rather cheerful and happy melody, and what do you do? You add all kinds of sad and depressing views into the song. Why? I don’t get whether I should dance or feel bad. It’s just a very awkward message to bring out, and leaves me questioning far more things, than I should when just listening to music.”
Rebecca – 5 – “Have I just gone through too much therapy in my short life to connect with this kind of thing? It’s kind of hilarious how self-pitying these lyrics are. Boo hoo, I’m such a piece of garbage. Writing a song about it isn’t going to fix it, it’s just going to make me think I shouldn’t be around you to avoid my own backslide right back into all that nonsense. The only reason this is getting any points is because the track itself is a bop. Just please, for the love of god, turn down the “woe is me” just a LITTLE.”
TOTAL: 13/30 (4.3 Average)
Sissal – “Hallucination”
Boris – 6.5 – “ ::,chuckles:: I mean, why not? Sure, let Denmark have their EDM moment in Eurovision. “Hallicunation” more of a Lidia Isac than it is a Loreen, but it’s not like anything else qualifies? (Unless Denmark decides that they PITY Adel the Second enough to make him win, which lmao). It’s fun uptempo filler, we can do way worse with some of the trash already floating near the top of semi 2 like bloated whale carcasses.”
David – 4 – “Interesting sound, but horrendous lyrics. Even why I’m trying to pay attention to the lyrics, it just all comes out like with no order, and all I’m really remembering is the title. It fails to leave on impact on that front, so instead, the music takes care of that part with its loud dance-vibes. It’s fine, but can’t just rely on that alone.”
Rebecca – 5 – “Sissal has a great voice, and the track is very clean and well produced, by my god, these lyrics are a generic and vague nightmare. The track is decent enough that it manages to pull most of my focus away from the lyrics while I’m listening, so I guess that’s a point in its favour. I can generally just vibe out instead of nitpicking at this, but I don’t think that should excuse shoddy lyrics, especially when it took SEVEN WHOLE PEOPLE to make arguably the most 2010-era generic Scandinavian dance track I’ve heard this season.”
TOTAL: 15.5/30 (5.2 Average)
Andreas Kruse – “Hear My Prayer”
Boris – 3 – “Like Adel, a blackpilling sadsack. UNLIKE Adel, not even close to being funny about it. I think we have reached just about enough falsetto twinks in this competition (surely Seb AND JJ is enough), better to pass this one up for Adel or Sissal.”
David – 2 – “I’m not feeling the style of this song. It’s not working out to make a pop-dance track to lyrics like this. This feels more like something personal and sensitive, and instead we get some loud dance tunes added. I’m also not digging these on the edge religious lyrics, it just ends up feeling like something desperate.”
Rebecca – 3 – “I’ve had to listen to this about three times because every time I press play I somehow back out and don’t recall anything I listen to. My ears do the equivalent of my eyes glossing over. On the basis that my instincts seem to be saving me from fully absorbing this song, I’m gonna have to say that this isn’t very good.”
TOTAL: 8/30 (2.7 Average)
The Final Rankings
That went much quicker than we’re used to! Now that we’ve heard the thoughts and seen the scores, let’s look at who the top three is, according to the ESCUnited Staff:
- Sissal – “Hallucination” (5.2 Average)
- Max Ulver – “Supernova” (5.0 Average)
- Hervé Toure – “Allez allez” (4.5 Average)
Only two songs managed to get an average of 5.0 or above, it seems—Sissal takes the top spot with a 5.2, closely followed by Max Ulver’s 5.0. Hervé Toure rounds out the top three with a 4.5 average. Our team seems to think that this selection was rather underwhelming, but perhaps Europe will disagree? There’s only one way to find out.
Dansk Melodi Grand Prix 2025 airs tonight at 8:00pm CET.
Agree with our ranking? Think we’re completely wrong in every way? Let us know what #YOU think on our socials (@escunited), Discord or at our forum.
