So, wow. After looking into Semifinal results I had two shocks. First one - I merely qualified by regular, sharing the same place with Russia. Not that it would be shocking to NQ in such a strong semi, but i thought that If I qualify it's unlikely from 12th position
Second shock - REJU victory. Thankfully, I managed to qualify by regular, but even if smth went wrong there, I'd secure qualification thanks to REJU. Really grateful for people's support, I usually don't do well by REJU.
I've been through difficult times, lately. I'm recovering from a burnout and I'm still not certain when I will be back to school (for some reasons WV is always my confessionary ). I do not want you to feel sorry for me, it happens to millions of people, sadly, and more and more... and I'm already recovering moderately and feeling much better. But there were times where I was connected to this forum and I was dying inside, I couldn't even think, I didn't feel any motivation to do whatever usually keeps me up and, of course I miss my work and the kids, and once again, this forum and music where the exceptions.
This being said, It gets harder to keep quiet when there are obvious things that I observed for many many times, probably years already. I mean, if someone likes () a few of your songs, says how lovely others are in a few LLs and rarely gives you a single point, it's weird. When two songs like ours that were clearly from the same genre and I don't get a single point, not that I was expecting 1 this time, no, no, not at all ( ) and I almost help that other person's song to win, believe me, it sucks!
I only wrote what I wrote because there are countless episodes where I observed many things that I don't understand. But they are real, sadly.
I could have been quiet, but you see, being quiet sometimes doesn't help. I didn't want to start a drama, or involve you guys in a personal matter, because it's also true that, as a matter of fact, I don't care, this is a game and I play by the rules. If I was unhappy or frustrated because of this or any other aspect, I would have long left. But I don't. You can say: "oh, no one's forced to vote in your songs", and you are sbsolutely right. But when there's an obvious pattern, things change. I don't know the reasons behind this pattern, I just wanted to leave the idea clear that I'm not stupid and that if I kept silent I would explode. Better to cause a little drama then hurting yourself inside. I never block songs, I don't vote for people, but their choices, and I admit my many mistakes I've done with my voting over the years.
So, I'm just writing this to explain why I had such a reaction and to apologise if I spoiled the party or the excellent hosts' work. But I'm not sorry that I spoke out.
My wishes for all of you and your beloved ones: