Welcöme tö Öösingimäed!!
& more specifically to Taskutekudasai Hospital.
where we put the hospital in hospitality
Öösingimäed has notoriously poor healthcare.
Taskutekudasai Hospital is the cute euphemism for the first-aid kit pictured above.
In spite of that, staff will do their best to attend to the patients with the tools they have.
Triage Chart:
1. Patient admitted near death in a state of shock. Patient is e& more specifically to Taskutekudasai Hospital.
where we put the hospital in hospitality
Öösingimäed has notoriously poor healthcare.
Taskutekudasai Hospital is the cute euphemism for the first-aid kit pictured above.
In spite of that, staff will do their best to attend to the patients with the tools they have.
Triage Chart:
biting pale skin, shivers, blue lips among countless other worrying symptoms.Prescription:
Good luck finding your own vitamins to fill the syringes with. There's a convenience store around the corner.
Get well soon.
2. Patient arrived with severed hand on ice. Hand was detached while patient was reaching for baggage on the rickety old conveyor belt at the airport.
Prescription:
Use as a tourniquet to stop the bleeding. We can give you the number of a tailor if you want to reattach your hand.
3. Patient e
biting a classic sore throat. Urgent as this patient is the love interest of the president of the hospital.Prescription:
Enjoy the cough syrup. On the reverse of the label is the address of the president's mansion for some PNP.
4. Patient was mauled by a wolf in the woods outside of the "hospital".
Prescription:
This should stop the bleeding and prevent infection... somewhat.
5. Patient fell into the hedges down the street. It turns out the hedges are poison ivy and the patient is extremely allergic.
Prescription:
Cover yourself in this. You'll look like the center of our dear flag.
6. Patient thumped head on metal bedframe while looking for money under the floor of the hotel room.
Prescription:
If only we had freezers here. Try the convenience store.
7. Patient arrived unconscious because of heavy sedative use (done by friend). Patient is physically petrified of potential of catching something at the hospital or elsewhere while visiting.
Prescription:
These gloves should keep you safe for now. If that's not enough, there's plastic bags at the convenience store around the corner to cover yourself in.
8. Patient is presenting many symptoms including headache, backache, stomachache, neckache, and toothache.
Prescription:
We could run some tests... if we had any. Here's the best we can do.
9. Patient is itching all over and short of breath. This is the second such occurrence since arriving in country, only after eating at the hotel breakfast buffet.
Stop eating ham. You're allergic.
10. Patient is convinced she's carrying a contagious pathogen. Despite not presenting symptoms, it is better to give patient the benefit of the doubt.
Prescription:
Why are you even travelling in your condition? Perhaps you should seek out healthcare in your more developed country.
11. Patient is a B-list celebrity and wants cute fashion to walk around the streets of the city.
Prescription:
No worries, sis. We've got you covered.
12. Patient's upper torso is covered in minor burns as a result of cooking bacon shirtless at the airbnb.
Prescription:
We can't prescribe it to you, but I suggest purchasing an apron.
13. Patient having acute diarrhea. Suspected cause is eating sushi found in hotel refrigerator.
Prescription:
Please refrain from eating any questionable meat products in the future.
14. Patient's brown roots are over 4 cm long and hair looks very sloppy.
Prescription:
I'm sure you can find some foil at the convenience store to finish the job. Understandable fashion emergency.
15. Patient scraped knees doing parkour at city hall.
Prescription:
Stop doing that and make sure you don't get an infection.
16. Patient has foreign objects stuck in both ears, both nostrils, navel and perhaps even some other places.
Prescription:
TMI. Happy tweezing!
17. Patient's accommodation has no heating. Patient is extremely cheap and will not purchase better accommodation or anything to keep themself warm.
Prescription:
So glad to finally have a use for this thing. I hope you like mylar!
18. Patient is a coddled man travelling without his mother or wife for the first time and does not know what to do for bandaged infected paper cut on finger.
Prescription:
Now that you know how to change a bandage, and your wife packed you with bandages, bless her soul, you can try to do it on your own.
19. Patient complains of friction during sex.
Prescription:
This should do. Figure it out yourself.
20. Patient is not present. Patient's mother is here reporting son is complaining of chafing nipples.
Prescription:
Cover your son's nipples with these every morning. It should prevent chafing during physical activity.
21. Patient wants to get ahead on futuristic Halloween costume planning.
Prescription:
A hospital... or whatever this is... is absolutely not an appropriate place to go with this concern. Also you're 6 months early... get a hobby.
22. Patient is inquiring about a cheap way to get drunk.
Prescription:
Give these a try. We'll see you back here soon when I'm sure your wait time will be much shorter.
23. Patient is cooking a large bird for dinner next weekend.
Prescription:
This should do... and not for checking if the bird is good to eat, but for making sure you did not give you and your family salmonella over the days following.
As per Öösingimäed's patient legislations, you are all mandated to have a follow up appointment by 5/10/2022.
Please send your hospital feedback to @iowacorn
Ferret Show:
Last edited:
