Alaska49 Ranks His 100 Favourite National Final Losers!

[Ana Raquel]

tem alcool em gel mo

 

[Ana Raquel]

only legends on this top, but both moldovan sensations could be higher because moldovan sensations

 

[Alaska49]

tem alcool em gel mo

i wish you an eurovision year consisting entirely of zeljko joksimovic songs

 

[Ana Raquel]

i wish you an eurovision year consisting entirely of zeljko joksimovic songs

already better than 1994!!!!!

 

[RainyWoods]

Gosh, these little write-ups are so loveable and huggable. I agree with what you write of my husband #37. Just such a fun, uplifting three minutes with dear Anis Don Demina.

Bless MEANDI as well making your list. I thought I was the only one in his blue ass pants enjoying that one. I want the colour scheme from the Drip performance used at my thirty eighth wedding.

 

[Alaska49]

Thank you for the kind words, Rainy! Also, very curious to be introduced to your 38th husband, which judging by the colour scheme is hopefully not Ukraine's Sole Not Valid Man David Axelrod.

80. Elis Lovrić - Jušto
Dora - 12th place

INTEEEEEEEENSE.

From the very first second Elis was delivering and not looking back, which was great because she was opening Dora. A sign of great things to come and a surprisingly good NF. Even though the song doesn't even start with the instrumental, Elis keeps you hooked solely with voice and face. And then the song starts and it's good and the staging is full of chain images and her outfit is all shiny and dangly and then you realize that's why she had a braid pointing upwards and then the choreography starts and oh my god we are looking at an artsy entry LOVE TO SEE IT. It's the kind of thing that would show up in Eesti Laul before Tomi Rahula transformed it into 24 Songs Your Grandma Asks You To Put In Her Pendrive (Because That's What She Still Uses), but it still has a distinct Yugo touch I think. Apparently this song is in the Chakavian dialect (aka basically another language but still called Croatian because politics)? Do we even get that regularly? I didn't even find an English translation of the lyrics, maybe because of that. Such a unique gemstone.

Elis was accepted into Dora after Goran Karan withdrew pre-show, so following ancient traditions, she should have won Dora. Unfortunately, Croatia gives no shit about traditions and she was last in the televote despite a good jury result. RIP.

79. Kasia Dereń - Ufaj mi / Count On Me
Szansa na sukces - 3rd place

First of all, the Szansa na sukces stage was absolute trash and a disservice to all of the three (.......) entries in the final. You hosted JESC last year and will do it again this year, Poland. Think long and hard about your choices. Is this how you treat your national final? By hosting it in this theater for mice? Like it's some 20th century Festivali i Këngës? BE BETTER.

Moving on, by including this song in the top 100 I am exercising the Kerrie Anne Principle instituted last year where every Eurovision fan is allowed one absolute meritless banger that isn't even performed well live just because you are a trash gay and you deserve to treat yourself. This principle is named after one Kerrie Anne and her rendition of Sweet Lies in You Decide 2019, the current gold standard of the absolute meritless banger.

This live is a mess, let's be honest. First of all, the 100% English version of this song falls flat compared to the bilingual one we have on Spotify, and also she is trying to oversell it as a (literal) scream of desperation to be noticed in the middle of recent Eurovision star Albert Černý and recent reality show winner Brunette Girl (Forgot Her Name). It sounds atrocious, but it makes her more likable to me. Reach for your dreams, Kasia!!!!! Even if you are putting them out of your reach with your very actions!!!! Fight for what you believe in!!!!!

Ultimately this song slaps and every time it shows up in my Spotify shuffle it gives me my life and that carried it to #79. THE END.

78. MADARA - Māras zeme
Supernova - Auditions

There are disagreements among fans on whether songs not approved in NF auditions count as actual NF entries or not, and I don't really have an opinion one way or the other about this subject. I ultimately decided in favour of including audition songs in this ranking because... well, this is the only one that made it, and it's MADARA, who probably got more views out of this stint than, like, Seleste, who actually made Supernova. So. Also, the Supernova auditions had a better stage than the actual Polish NF I just posted above, so that's another argument in its favour.

This song is an ethereal gift from the goddess and it retroactively won Eurovision 1996 (another recurring theme in this NF season, so many songs that feel like they would have won Eurovision in 1994-1996 because they just do that New Age thing we learned to associate with Ireland so well, better than the actual Ireland and Norway winners we got then). This is an example of two languages being used with mastery because the English part starts in a way that just shoots you in the face. And you thank MADARA for shooting you in the face. Because WHEN MOTHER CALLS YOU CARE. Also, everyone's fashion here is on point, specially the backing singer that is standing up. This lowkey had better staging than half of Supernova.

Speaking of which, why was this NOT selected to Supernova? Why was it so important to have Driksna and Seleste there? Did they want Samanta Tina to win so badly that they were afraid MADARA could take it from her (and grossly underestimated Katrina "I am the living flag of Latvia" Dimanta, as we all did)? Because in the rearview mirror, I think Samanta would have won regardless thanks to the online vote, so they could have just given us MADARA. Sigh. I hope she returns soon. She needs to go to Eurovision someday.

77. INMATE - The Salt
EMA - 7th place

What does INMATE have to do to be respected by Slovene juries? Another 7th place. Sure, they were better last year with Atma, but The Salt is still a very strong effort. The lyrics are of course a generous serving of angst that anyone can use every once in a while and I surely do ("Do you ever think your love is pure and from the heart?" well THANK YOU for making me second guess myself today, INMATE). The staging was as good as it could be with EMA not having as good a stage as it did last year to begin with, and frankly when Marko Duplišak is your vocalist you don't need much staging because I will just be staring at him and not pay much attention to props or anything. He is pointy but so very good looking. I don't get the concept of turning the image upside down sometimes, but it's fun too.

They really should have done better, specially when fucking Tinkara and Saška were tied for 4th (with Simon, who didn't suck like they did so it's fine). It really comes down to how crap this format for EMA is. Leaving all but two entries to the hands of the juries? NO THANK YOU PLEASE. Not that I trust the Slovene public any, but their juries manage to be worse. God, there is such a list of Slovene acts that are owed a EMA win before I even think about giving one to INMATE. Don't open that door, Alaska.

76. Senhit - Obsessed
Digital Battle Eurovision - 2nd place? I guess?

I am including the video of Un Bel Niente not because OMG IT'S SO MUCH BETTER IN ITALIAN IT'S LIKE IT'S A DIFFERENT SONG HOW COULD SHE TRANSLATE IT IT'S RUINED NOW, since... calm your tits. It was just a translation. And actually a pretty decent one. But, she didn't give Obsessed an actual video, and I like to have visuals since Eurovision is an audiovisual experience, so Un Bel Niente it is.

Anyway, whichever way you prefer to listen to this song (even though they sound the same...................), it's a very good listen. Senhit went straight for the Carly Rae Jepsen sound and delivered a very legit attempt in it, it really sounds like it could have been on Side B. It's hard to believe so few people, if any, try to emulate Our Queen Carly in the Eurovision Audiovisual Universe. So easy to reproduce, and also to stage, possibly a good way to get points and maybe a qualification. MORE CARLYNESS IN EUROVISION NOW.

As for the eleventh-hour two-song online NF (I can't believe San Marino gave us a semblance of effort when some of us actually expected them to withdraw!), I see the appeal of Freaky!, I understand why it won, but that is so... San Marino 101. Maybe that will work this year like it did last year, but I really wanted to see Obsessed in Eurovision this year. San Marino finally going for it. Most people were saying "well, both are sure to NQ anyway", but I think Obsessed could get some more jury attention. It certainly would under another flag, with a good performance. Oh, what could have been. I am not rooting against Freaky! at all, of course. It's still a lot better than having to deal with the cruel inside joke that insists on excluding me that is Serhat. I just wanted Obsessed to win, it's all.





As a refresher, this is how the countries stand in the top 75:

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[Alaska49]

so, coronavirus has stalled my progress here in that a) it got eurovision cancelled and now this has become sad because, well, we don't really have winners anymore, and b) my work is essential to stay open during the pandemic and it's been rough so i haven't really had the emotional vacancy to update this in the last few days. but i will get used to it. just keep swimming. i will update this soon.

 

[lavieenrose]

Alaska please put yourself first in every arena in which you can and stay safe we love you

And you have spilled some TEA in this last set of writeups + in Anis'.