It was a sunny day of July. I was enjoying a peaceful morning sunbathing and reading in my garden. Someone called me. On screen: “hidden call”. I usually don’t answer those calls, but my intuition told me I had to answer this one. It was Gera. I had his phone number, so I immediately started wondering why he was calling me from that hidden one.
Gera in a panicked voice asked for my immediate help. He apparently had just been kidnapped and was in the boot of someones car who was playing nothing but symphonic metal. He wanted me to call the police. This troubled me as I was rather busy. I told Gera this isn't the sort of energy I need in my life right now, afterall i'm sunbathing and having a peaceful morning so I hung up the phone, put it on silent and then went to get some Watermelon to eat.
The watermelon wasn't really that good, but he seemed to be in distress. And yet I thought "Sunbathing without a piña colada doesn't seem right, even in the morning. And how bad can symphonic metal really be at this time?" Surely better than a piña colada, but being such a drunk I definitely had to finish before coming to his rescue...
As I was drinking my piña colada someone slipped a paper under the outer door. I ran to see the person who had left the paper, but there was nobody. I read the message: “If you and your friends don’t give 12 points to the metal entry this month in FSC, Gera (and not only him) will suffer the consequences”.
Immediately i rolled my eyes and thought "who thinks they can blackmail me into 12'ing a metal song? Especially when the hottest summer banger of the decade is right there. Sorry Gera". I went back to my piña colada when it hit me. What if I kidnap all the metal fans and force them to 12 my entry instead? That stranger is onto something.
So I decided to find Gera's kidnapper! Not to ask him to release Gera or stop kidnapping other members, but to get some tips on how to force people to give their 12 points to me. Especially the metal fans whom he seemed to know a lot about.
I didn't know where to look, but with the high prices on petrol these days, he surely wouldn't have gone far. So I found a local metal bar to start my search.
And I think, I was right as all of Sirenia's symphonic metal tunes from FSC played on repeat in the dark behind the entrance.
Hardly doing any excercise and living mostly of watermelon and piña coladas made me look slim and unhealthy enough to seem like a true metal fan. So without any problems I got into the bar to search for the kidnapper. Gera was sitting on a chair, bound and gagged in the other site of the room, but my first priority was to find the person who could help me figuring out how to get more 12 points...
I went on my search around the metal bar to find the kidnapper, it was hard to see though as it was very dark. In one corner was a strang viking looking fella with a Norwegian flag draped over his shoulders and a plate of herring in front of him. "It had to be him I thought". I approached the person to ask them for tips. Before I could say a word, he stood up, flipped the table sending the Herring flying and shouted "YOU DON'T EVEN TAKE PART IN FSC? WHY ARE YOU HERE?". He started to walk towards me angrily, and I knew there and then I needed to act quick or I too would be fall foul to Geras fate. I ran and opened some curtains, allowing the blistering summer sun to fill the room. The Norwegian immediately crashed to floor screaming and burnt to a crisp as the sunk soaked his skin. It's good to remember Northern Europeans aren't familiar with the concept of the sun. I then walked out feeling relieved I had survived the ordeal - leaving Gera still inside bound and gagged.
(7/10)